I saw a picture of my heart
It still appeared in one piece
I half expected it to be in several parts
But it’s not, so I guess my life’s newly leased
I saw a picture of my heart
It was still beating true
No murmurs, races, jumps, or starts
But could it just have been beating blue?
I saw the picture, it was clear
So why do things not feel as they appear
The best specialists, the best physicians
Ran all their tests, but they haven’t a clue
They couldn’t determine or ascertain
The cause of the trouble, the source of the pain
But I knew it wasn’t any condition
It was all the leftover stress from losing you.
I saw the picture of my heart
A map of the tribulations of the last few years
No visible trauma, no discernible scars
But somehow I knew what I was dealing with here
I saw the picture of my heart
It was still doing what it was supposed to
The experts, they tried really hard
But the real reason was something they didn’t come close to
I saw the picture, there was no doubt
That any imminent danger could be ruled out
All the top docs, the most respected MDs
Did their best, did all they could do
They couldn’t figure out, they couldn’t explain
Any logic or any reason for pain
But I knew it wasn’t any kind of disease
It was all the leftover stress from losing you.
I see the picture of my heart
And thank G-d, it’s still going strong
I’ve got many more years of making my art
Plenty more chances of playing my songs
I see the picture of my heart
A bit worn but little worse for the wear
I’ll get over this trouble and the pain will depart
Someday, somehow, somewhere
I see the picture and I feel relieved
That things are not as bad as I believed
Maybe it took a weekend of observation
To gain the presence of mind to see it through
And as my blood still pumps in my arteries and veins
I’ll recover from the stress and dissolve the pain
Without any drugs or medication
I’ll leave it all behind, these last effects of losing you.
©2024 The Hesh Inc.
This song dates back to the summer of 2006, after I returned to the Jersey Shore from Los Angeles in the wake of my divorce. I spent the Sunday of Labor Day weekend that year in Monmouth Medical Center's cardiac unit after experiencing some serious chest pains. The docs ran the whole battery of tests and found absolutely nothing wrong with my heart.
It wasn't the first time this happened to me; while I was still living in LA, while the divorce was still in the works, I was driving home from work on the Universal Studios lot on a Friday afternoon when the pains seized me. Instead of going home to prepare for the Sabbath, I drove straight to Cedars-Sinai's emergency room, and they admitted me that evening. By late Saturday they told me the same thing: We can't see a thing wrong with your heart.
Considering what was going on in my life at the time, I could only conclude that these pains were caused by the STRESS that the whole divorce business was putting me through.
I wrote the lyrics shortly after I was released from MMC and I thought I would include the song in the album about the divorce that I was mulling over in my mind. But it was a little too ... medical, clinical you might say, and a little too maudlin as well. So it got left by the wayside.
Now, of course, it's 13 years later and I'm dealing with medical issues that are typical for someone of my age but probably not as stress-driven. However, these thoughts of mortality led me to revisit this song at this time.