I should never have left this place
I should never have abandoned its warm embrace
I did what I thought at the time was best
How could I have known it was all a big test.
Go back to where you got up and went
Go back to where the message was sent
Go back east where your inspiration sings
There was nobody telling me to do these things.
What was going through my mind when I left here behind
How could I have ever gone away
I was hell-bent on going while all the time knowing
That I had such good reasons to stay.
Big party, big sendoff, goodbye and good luck
Does he know what he’s doing, tut-tut, cluck cluck
A shame he has to do this, is what they all said
But I believed it was right so I just pushed ahead.
There was that pleading look in your eyes
There was the truth, but I believed only lies
There were reasons I thought I knew
But in the end there was only you.
This breaking of heart while being apart
How could I ever have gone away
Devil may care, you were here, I was there
Though I had such good reasons to stay.
The darkness, the doubt, the dealing without
They can’t reach us now
The pain and the fear, the loss and the tears
No, they can’t reach us now
The love and the laughter, the happy ever after
That’s what matters now
The being together, now and whenever
That’s all that matters now
Well I’m back and I’m not leaving again
What I know now, if I only knew then
But there’s no point in complaining or making a fuss
It’s just like chasing a missed bus
I waited it out for a year and four months
And when the chance came, I grabbed it at once
I made my way here through desert and snow
And so help me G-d, this is as far as I go.
And now it all seems like it was all a dream
How could I have ever gone away
I’m home, I’m here, you’re close by, you’re near
These are the reasons to stay
What are dreams, what are goals, without love, without soul
How could I have ever have gone away
Wrongs made right, through songs and light
These are the reasons to stay.
©2023 The Hesh Inc.
I wrote this when I returned to California in 2010. I had left four years before for economic reasons; I had no work prospects in Los Angeles after my glorified temp job folded and there were opportunities in my field back east. I eventually landed in the world of pharma advertising and did well for myself—a good job, a nice apartment, a great car, a community I liked living in—but I was acutely aware of what (i.e., who) was missing: My beloved daughter, who was living with her mother on the west coast. So after several years of constant heartache, I took a leap of faith and went back to LA. I didn't know at the time that the economic situation was still just as lacking, and ultimately I'd have to move back east again; when I arrived, for all intents and purposes, I was there to stay. I still wish I could.
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