speed it up, Jack
why do you keep on creeping
like you got nowhere to go
speed it up, Jack
there’s a line behind you
that doesn’t appreciate your going slow
speed it up, Jack
there’s a green, it means go
don’t confuse the color of the lights
speed it up, Jack
go on improve your moving
this is no time for seeing the sights
there’s only one lane and it’s a no-passing zone
but you’re driving like there’s no one there
maybe you’re showing off the big fancy car you own
but guess what, buddy—no one cares
the sign says 45 but you’re doing 30
what are you trying to be, a snail?
better watch the road and not those pretty birdies
‘cause you’ve got a parade of rage on your tail
speed it up, Jack
move that sloppy jalopy
you’re making us all turn blue
speed it up, Jack
shut off your slicky doohickey
and while you’re at it, turn your signal off, too!
speed it up, Jack
stop your yakking, get cracking
some of us got someplace to be
speed it up, Jack
cut your jive and start driving
before someone ends up wrapped around a tree
I bet that on the highway you’re one of those Dicks
that don’t ever get out of the left lane
I bet you think you speeding when you’re doing 56
and everyone else drives like they’re insane
I know your kind, the type that’ll say
“speed limit only means you can’t go faster!”
well there’s one of you and 30 of us, so get out of the way
or else there’s gonna be a real disaster
speed it … speed it … speed it speed it speed it
speed it up, Jack
all your stalling and crawling
is driving us out of our minds
speed it up, Jack
don’t brake it, just shake it
we’re not operating on your time
speed it up, Jack
shake a leg, we beg you
it’s not like you’re stuck in a rut
speed it up, Jack
shake your ass, we ask you
Will you be so kind as to MOVE YOUR DAMN BUTT!
©2024 The Hesh Inc.
This song dates back to the early 2000s, when my daily commute consisted of a half-hour drive from Interlaken to Atlantic Highlands, NJ. The road north of Sea Bright up to Sandy Hook is a mere 2-lane stretch with a 40- to 45-mph limit, but G-d forbid you should get stuck behind a timid or overcautious driver (who are worse than speeders, in my experience), steering their car with their pinky while yakking it up (or TEXTING!) on their cell phone ... you know how you will react.
Never recorded or performed, but in consideration for my projected A Driver's Life album.