I’m going out tonight
In search of something I can’t place
It’s out there but out of sight
An entity without a face
I feel the night outside calling me
I can’t figure out what it wants me to do
But its power is enthralling me
And it’s a force I’m going to pursue
Oh, I want to feel alive tonight
Oh, I want to touch life tonight
I’m going out tonight
Looking for the lifeline that’s long been hidden
To turn all that’s wrong into right
And I won’t take the wrongs as given.
Baby you know sometimes I feel so paralyzed
Sometimes I’m left feeling so frozen
With the dream in sight but out of reach, I’m tantalized
And I wonder why I’ve been chosen
To walk through the trash, among the ruins
Sifting through the wreckage looking for that spark
And listening for long-gone sounds and archaic tunes
That echo through the old buildings from the beach to the park
Oh, I want to feel alive tonight
Oh, I want to touch life tonight
I want to break this routine that adds up to suffocation
I’m tired of watching the fruits of my labor keep shriveling
I don’t want to be surrounded by decay and desolation
Tonight I need to be among the living.
Procrastination, procrastination
Leaves me feeling like nothing gets done
Frustration, vexation
About the things I lost but should have won
Spend a lifetime falling back
Farther and farther from where I want to be
Railroaded, diverted, sidetracked
All sorts of hidden forces stalling me
Oh, I want to feel alive tonight
Oh, I want to touch life tonight
Well I drove these streets a hundred thousand times
In search of something to reverse the negative
I’m not just going to sit around waiting for the moment to strike me
Tonight I’m just going to go out and live.
© 2007 The Hesh Inc.
This, Track 10 (9 in the online version) of my album Soul In Exile 2: Jersey Shore Baby, was born out of endless noodling on the piano during the time I lived in Ocean Grove, NJ. It was the time of the "hell years" of neighboring Asbury Park, when the beach and boardwalk were so utterly abandoned that even the criminals and muggers had given up on the place (which, ironically, made it practically safe to walk—which I did quite often). I would walk there, sometimes by myself, sometimes with my significant other who had grown up in the area, and ache for the way things used to be there. But after too many times doing that, it got old, and it became more productive and uplifting to seek out places where there was actual action happening, not just ghosts of the past.
Musically, the song owes much to Lou Reed and U2, with snatches and flashes of Elton John, Paul Simon, and Joe Cocker, all rolled into one. What puts it over the top, though, are the vocals of my former Polyester bandmates Christine Ghilino and Wendy Horn ... what angels.
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